I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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