If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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