woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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