you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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