I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
