apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
