I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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