he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
