??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
