note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
