they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
