So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
