After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Someone signed my nipple.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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