can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
