I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
