she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
