So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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