I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
