If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
whose parrot is this?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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