I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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