I think scott just propositioned me for sex
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
