Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
