Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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