have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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