my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
