Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Never underestimate the power of titties
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
