If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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