Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
