Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
