So drunk its hurt
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
