I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
