my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
