Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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