We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
