You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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