Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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