why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
