I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
