Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
well you can't waste a boner
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
