Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drunk is not a location!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize