Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
