I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
