Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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