Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
