Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
