wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
