Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
