Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
