I accidentally had phone sex last night
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
