apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
