The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
