No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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