My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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