I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize