You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
