Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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