I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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