ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
