She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
not ubering you a puppy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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