Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize