tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
